So, I’ve seemed to have found myself in a better position
than I wasin a few weeks ago. I’ve found employment.
About three weeks ago now I went to an incredibly posh recruitment agency that I felt like I had no right to be in, whatsoever. I was twenty minutes late because I came out of Liverpool Street Station the wrong way and walked for several minutes in totally the wrong direction, three times. When I finally arrived at the building, I walked through a huge empty reception, to the receptionist who had to ask my name, age and who I was there to see. She promptly printed me out a hard card to buzz myself into the elevator and I had to swipe to get onto the correct floor. When I got there, two impeccably dressed, beautiful blonde girls were standing waiting to greet me holding clipboards with begrudging looks on their faces. I apologised profusely and they led me to the tiniest interview room I’ve ever seen. The office was huge and open plan, glass walls separating departments and floor to ceiling windows looking out onto the Gherkin; I knew I wasn’t meant to be there.
They both gave me interview style questions; it was far more formal than I was prepared for, but I felt so uninspired by everything that I didn’t really care what they said, or how I came across. It is the first time in a long time I didn't have any nerves about walking into the unknown without being on medication and if I’m honest, I’m quite proud of that.
Anyway, the next day they got me an interview for an eight week temporary position at a huge financial solutions company in Surbiton (which I was SO happy about, I thought the agency only dealt with London). Anyway, it was the shortest interview known to man, I think I was in an out in half an hour, and that included waiting in the foyer for ten minutes. About fifteen minutes after I had left the building I was offered the job, and started the next day.
So far, it’s been good. I feel like a little light has been switched on in my life and things don’t look so bleak. I have a little bit of money to pay my mum some rent, I can afford a monthly bus pass and I’ll also have some money to go out and pay for myself for a few things. Also, this gets me out of the house and into some form of routine, which is what I think I desperately need to get my head around life again.
I absolutely have to get my life in order, my debts are out of control but now I see a small light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve contacted a debt management charity to help me and I will get Ellipse under control by the end of the week.
I absolutely have to stop eating so much shit too. I should stop smoking. I should start studying properly.
I actually started writing this when I’d had this job for three days; I’m now entering my third week and have gone to the other end of the spectrum now. I feel like I should be doing so much more with my life and be earning more, already be living out of home, have my degree and have my career sorted. I should at least have my finances figured out. I hate this shit.
This job is the perfect little role to get me back used to working, and I’d only been there three days and I was fairly sure I’d already impressed them, but I just need to find ways to keep positive and drop all my negativity so I don't lose focus and start slacking. I know what I’m like, and just one criticism or mistake I make will be enough to make me run for the hills and because I have that lack of motivation at the moment I think it might not be long until I start to slip.
Last week, I was invited to another interview for a job I was SO sure I wanted when I was applying before I got this little temp job. It’s for a charitable organization that is only a five minute bus journey for me to get to and is in a town I’m really rather fond of. I was thrilled and slightly irritated about getting the interview, how typical to get this when I am finally in a job I don’t hate with people who I actually like and have respect for. I decided to go for the interview anyway, and I’m glad I did, it’s the first proper interview I’ve had for a while and it reminded me why I hate them so much. I was interviewed by two people, one extremely friendly and engaging woman, and one semi friendly, but uber professional suited man who obviously didn’t find my casual and friendly attitude towards the answers amusing. I was clearly unprepared and struggled through simple, standard interview questions as I tried to pull sentences out of my behind.
I left feeling tired and deflated, but happy I’d got through it. I’m utterly certain I won't be contacted for further interviews or for a job offer, but now I’ve been there, I realise how lucky I am to have the little job I have now.
This job is considerably more money, and although is still a part time offer, would give me more of a full time wage and I’d STILL have plenty of hours left in the day to do whatever else I’d like to do – shop, socialise, read, study, sit and distract myself with delusions of a rich life.
Today I’m feeling tense, I had a good weekend punctuated with something toxic that I’ll talk about another time, but I do not want to go into work. I want to be creative, I feel slightly stifled again and I don’t know why. I’m on no medication and that makes me happy, but I feel like I’m struggling to piece together thoughts of positivity even though there’s nothing going TOO wrong for me at the moment. Yes, I’m behind on my studies and yes, I still owe lots of money, but these things are becoming under control now that I’ve got some form of routine and plucked up the courage to do something about my debts.
About three weeks ago now I went to an incredibly posh recruitment agency that I felt like I had no right to be in, whatsoever. I was twenty minutes late because I came out of Liverpool Street Station the wrong way and walked for several minutes in totally the wrong direction, three times. When I finally arrived at the building, I walked through a huge empty reception, to the receptionist who had to ask my name, age and who I was there to see. She promptly printed me out a hard card to buzz myself into the elevator and I had to swipe to get onto the correct floor. When I got there, two impeccably dressed, beautiful blonde girls were standing waiting to greet me holding clipboards with begrudging looks on their faces. I apologised profusely and they led me to the tiniest interview room I’ve ever seen. The office was huge and open plan, glass walls separating departments and floor to ceiling windows looking out onto the Gherkin; I knew I wasn’t meant to be there.
They both gave me interview style questions; it was far more formal than I was prepared for, but I felt so uninspired by everything that I didn’t really care what they said, or how I came across. It is the first time in a long time I didn't have any nerves about walking into the unknown without being on medication and if I’m honest, I’m quite proud of that.
Anyway, the next day they got me an interview for an eight week temporary position at a huge financial solutions company in Surbiton (which I was SO happy about, I thought the agency only dealt with London). Anyway, it was the shortest interview known to man, I think I was in an out in half an hour, and that included waiting in the foyer for ten minutes. About fifteen minutes after I had left the building I was offered the job, and started the next day.
So far, it’s been good. I feel like a little light has been switched on in my life and things don’t look so bleak. I have a little bit of money to pay my mum some rent, I can afford a monthly bus pass and I’ll also have some money to go out and pay for myself for a few things. Also, this gets me out of the house and into some form of routine, which is what I think I desperately need to get my head around life again.
I absolutely have to get my life in order, my debts are out of control but now I see a small light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve contacted a debt management charity to help me and I will get Ellipse under control by the end of the week.
I absolutely have to stop eating so much shit too. I should stop smoking. I should start studying properly.
I actually started writing this when I’d had this job for three days; I’m now entering my third week and have gone to the other end of the spectrum now. I feel like I should be doing so much more with my life and be earning more, already be living out of home, have my degree and have my career sorted. I should at least have my finances figured out. I hate this shit.
This job is the perfect little role to get me back used to working, and I’d only been there three days and I was fairly sure I’d already impressed them, but I just need to find ways to keep positive and drop all my negativity so I don't lose focus and start slacking. I know what I’m like, and just one criticism or mistake I make will be enough to make me run for the hills and because I have that lack of motivation at the moment I think it might not be long until I start to slip.
Last week, I was invited to another interview for a job I was SO sure I wanted when I was applying before I got this little temp job. It’s for a charitable organization that is only a five minute bus journey for me to get to and is in a town I’m really rather fond of. I was thrilled and slightly irritated about getting the interview, how typical to get this when I am finally in a job I don’t hate with people who I actually like and have respect for. I decided to go for the interview anyway, and I’m glad I did, it’s the first proper interview I’ve had for a while and it reminded me why I hate them so much. I was interviewed by two people, one extremely friendly and engaging woman, and one semi friendly, but uber professional suited man who obviously didn’t find my casual and friendly attitude towards the answers amusing. I was clearly unprepared and struggled through simple, standard interview questions as I tried to pull sentences out of my behind.
I left feeling tired and deflated, but happy I’d got through it. I’m utterly certain I won't be contacted for further interviews or for a job offer, but now I’ve been there, I realise how lucky I am to have the little job I have now.
This job is considerably more money, and although is still a part time offer, would give me more of a full time wage and I’d STILL have plenty of hours left in the day to do whatever else I’d like to do – shop, socialise, read, study, sit and distract myself with delusions of a rich life.
Today I’m feeling tense, I had a good weekend punctuated with something toxic that I’ll talk about another time, but I do not want to go into work. I want to be creative, I feel slightly stifled again and I don’t know why. I’m on no medication and that makes me happy, but I feel like I’m struggling to piece together thoughts of positivity even though there’s nothing going TOO wrong for me at the moment. Yes, I’m behind on my studies and yes, I still owe lots of money, but these things are becoming under control now that I’ve got some form of routine and plucked up the courage to do something about my debts.
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